Tag Archives: lists

10 Tips To Being A Mosquito Magnet

Here are some guaranteed tips to help you become a Mosquito Magnet.

1. Wear dark clothing. Mosquitos prefer colors such as blacks and dark blues to lighter hues.

2. Be pregnant. Pregnant women exhale a higher level of carbon dioxide, which attracts mosquitoes.

3. Work out. Physical exertion not only leads to higher concentrations of carbon dioxide in one’s sweat, it produces lactic acid, which also is mosquito-friendly.

4. Live near a coastal area (or any water source). It’s common knowledge that mosquitoes love H2O.

5. Wear dirty socks (and other articles of clothing). Scientists have found that the bugs are attracted to the scent of old musty socks — probably because of the bacteria.

6. Have pets or livestock nearby. Sometimes mosquitoes like to cross-pollinate disease between the two.

7. Wear floral fragrances — including using scented shampoo and wearing clothes washed in scented detergent.

8. Have bare arms and legs. Mosquitoes like the limbs because they’re cooler.

9. Wear thinner, skin tight clothing. That’ll just make it easier for them to siphon off your blood right through the fabric.

10. Have a higher cholesterol level. The link isn’t conclusive, but it seems as if the insects are attracted to the extra cholesterol on the skin surface.

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Top Ten TV Sitcom Sex Maniacs

The lovable nymphomaniac who never catches any major sexually-transmitted diseases is a staple of the television sitcom. Here are ten.

10. Gomez and Morticia Addams, “The Addams Family”

This amorous duo apparently haven’t let domestic life put a damper on their sex life, as they can’t keep their hands off of each other. Bonus: kinky hardware in the family room!

9. Kelly Bundy, “Married With Children”

Ah, what’s more a topic for hilarious situation comedy than a teenage girl indiscriminatingly sleeping around with boys that are no good for her? Though she did have a steady beau, of sorts (played by David Boreanaz).

8. Dan Fielding, “Night Court”

Dan was a sex-obsessed prosecutor who made the life of fellow attorney Christine Sullivan miserable (was there no sexual harassment rules in Judge Harry’s court?).

7. Chef, “South Park”

Chef was a trusted father-figure to the boys at South Park, as well as having one of the best Salty Balls recipes in town and sleeping with Cartman’s mom (who deserves her own place on our list).

6. Charlie Harper, “Two and A Half Men”

Will that scamp Charlie ever settle down? Will he ever realize just what a great woman he has in Rose? Will he ever get tested for STDs? Or was that an episode already?

5. Blanche Devereaux, “Golden Girls”

Saucy Blanche considered her advancing age a mere hiccup in her plan to bed half the eligible men in Miami.

4. Larry Dallas, “Three’s Company”

Larry was a used car salesman who used the same pitches to sell old Dodges that he utilized to pick up chicks. Somehow always managed to find nymphomaniac ex-gymnast Swedish twins who were stewardesses to sleep with.

3. Barney Stinson, “How I Met Your Mother”

Originator of the Hot/Crazy graph for assessing chicks, which won him special mention at the last Nobel Awards ceremony.

2. Glenn Quagmire, “Family Guy”

Giggity.

1. The Fonz, “Happy Days”

Our winner for biggest TV Sitcom Sex Maniac would have to be Arthur Herbert Fonzarelli, whose sexual escapades were legendary — though mostly implied. As a child, I just thought he had a lot of friends who were girls and whose phone numbers he kept on the restroom wall.

Ten Love Songs That Sound Like Stalkers

They say the line between love and obsession can be in some cases very thin. Such is the case in some of our most cherished love ballads. Some of the lyrics of the songs below can be quite creepy…imagine your own personal stalker scrawling them on a piece of paper and sliding them under your door.

10. Def Leppard, “Two Steps Behind”

“Walk away if you want to.
Its ok, if you need to.
Well, you can run, but you can never hide
From the shadow thats creepin up beside you.”

“Well, I’ll be two steps behind you
(wherever you go)
And I’ll be there to remind you
That it only takes a minute of your precious time
To turn around and I’ll be two steps behind.”

9. Foo Fighters, “Walking After You”

“If you’d accept surrender, I’ll give up some more
Weren’t you adored
I cannot be without you, matter of fact
I’m on your back, I’m on your back, I’m on your back

If you walk out on me, I’m walking after you
If you walk out on me, I’m walking after you”

8. The Association, “Cherish”

“Cherish is the word I use to describe
All the feeling that I have hiding here for you inside
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I had told you
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could hold you
You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could mold you
Into someone who could cherish me as much as I cherish you
Perish is the word that more than applies
To the hope in my heart each time I realize
That I am not gonna be the one to share your dreams
That I am not gonna be the one to share your schemes
That I am not gonna be the one to share what seems to be
The life that you could cherish as much as I do yours”

7. The Turtles, “Happy Together”

“Imagine me and you I do
I think about you day and night
It’s only right
To think about the girl you love
And hold her tight
So happy together
If I should call you up invest a dime
And you say you belong to me
And ease my mind
Imagine how the world could be
So very fine
So happy together
I can see me lovin’ nobody but you
For all my life “

“So happy together
So happy together
How is the weather
So happy together
We’re happy together
So happy together
Happy together
So happy together
So happy together “

6. Olivia Newton-John, “Hopelessly Devoted To You”

” Guess mine is not the first heart broken,
my eyes are not the first to cry I’m not the first to know,
there’s just no gettin’ over you
Hello, I’m just a fool who’s willing to sit around
and wait for you
But baby can’t you see, there’s nothin’ else
for me to do I’m hopelessly devoted to you
But now there’s nowhere to hide,
since you pushed my love aside I’m not in my head,
hopelessly devoted to you
Hopelessly devoted to you,
hopelessly devoted to you”

5. Barry Manilow, “Can’t Smile Without You”

” You know I can’t smile without you
I can’t smile without you
I can’t laugh and I can’t sing
I’m finding it hard to do anything
You see I feel sad when you’re sad
I feel glad when you’re glad
If you only knew what I’m going through
I just can’t smile without you”

4. Bryan Adams, “(Everything I Do) I Do It For You”

” There’s no love – like your love
And no other – could give more love
There’s nowhere – unless you’re there
All the time – all the way

Oh – you can’t tell me it’s not worth tryin’ for
I can’t help it – there’s nothin’ I want more
I would fight for you – I’d lie for you
Walk the wire for you – ya I’d die for you

Ya know it’s true
Everything I do – I do it for you”

3. Partridge Family, “I Woke Up In Love This Morning”

“Hello, girl, yes it’s five o’clock I know but you just listen
there’s something that I’ve got to let you know
This is you, this pillow that I’m huggin’ and I’m kissin’
and one more thing before I let you go”

I woke up in love this morning
I woke up in love this morning
Went to sleep with you on my mind
I woke up in love this morning
I woke up in love this morning
Went to sleep with you on my mind”

2. Mister Mister, “Broken Wings”

Baby, it’s all I know
That you’re half of the flesh and blood that makes me whole
Yeah, yeah, yeah…
Yeah, yeah!

So take these broken wings
And learn to fly again, learn to live so free
When we hear the voices sing
The book of love will open up and let us in
Take these broken wings
You’ve got to learn to fly, learn to live and love so free
When we hear the voices sing
The book of love will open up for us and let us in

Yeah, yeah!
Ooooooh, yeah!”

1. The Police, “Every Breath You Take”*

“Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
Ill be watching you

Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
Ill be watching you”

“Since you’ve gone I been lost without a trace
I dream at night I can only see your face
I look around but its you I cant replace
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace
I keep crying baby, baby, please…”

*To be fair, “Every Breath You Take” wasn’t meant to be a love song, but it’s mistakenly thought of as one in general pop-culture. A another bonus Police stalker song would be “I Can’t Stand Losing” –

” I’ve called you so many times today
And I guess it’s all true what your girlfriends say
That you don’t ever want to see me again
And your brother’s gonna kill me and he’s six feet ten
I guess you’d call it cowardice
But I’m not prepared to go on like this”

” I guess this is our last goodbye
And you don’t care so I won’t cry
But you’ll be sorry when I’m dead
And all this guilt will be on your head
I guess you’d call it suicide
But I’m too full to swallow my pride

I can’t stand losing you “

The Police = issues.

Ten Appearances Of George W. Bush In Movies And TV

With the announcement of the upcoming W film by Oliver Stone, I thought it would be interesting to revisit other movie and TV portrayals of George W. Bush…

10. Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay

James Adomian plays W., in a scene where he smokes pot with Harold & Kumar.

9. Master Of Disguise

One of the many zany characters Dana Carvey plays in the film is George — he played W.’s dad in Saturday Night Live as well.

8. Robot Chicken

In one episode, W. is dreaming that he has Jedi powers — even dueling with Abraham Lincoln with a lightsaber. In another, he comes into possession of a mogwai, with disastrous results.

7. King Of The Hill

In a 2000 episode called “The Perils Of Polling,” Hank Hill shakes the hand of then Texas gov George W. Bush — and complains that the shake wasn’t firm enough. Apparently Bush on the show was drawn nothing like he looks in real life.

6. Scary Movie IV
Not a direct appearance of W. — but Leslie Nielsen as the POTUS does an obvious homage to the prez in a scene where he reads a book to a bunch of school children.

5. That’s My Bush
This short-lived Comedy Central original TV series by the creators of South Park. Timothy Bottoms starred as the wacky president.

4. MAD TV
George W. Bush was played by Frank Caliendo for several seasons on the show. Will Sasso and Christian Duguay also played the president on the show.

3. Lil’ Bush
Another Comedy Central original TV show, this animated series stars George W. as the pint-sized son of “current” president George H. W. Bush.

2. South Park
George W. makes several appearances in the long-running animated series. He gets a makeover on Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, gets involved in “Cartoon Wars,” and then is revealed to be the mastermind behind all conspiraracy theories in “The Mystery Of The Urinal Deuce.”

1. Saturday Night Live
Will Farrell played W.from 1999 to 2002, followed by Chris Parnell and Darrell Hammond in 2003. Will Forte had the role in 2004, and Jason Sudeikis in 2006.

Ten Books That Screwed Up The World


List Universe comes up with the ten books that screwed up the world, including the witch-hunting Malleus Maleficarum, Adolf Hitler’s Mein Kampf, and Dr. Benjamin Spock’s Baby and Childcare.

Not on the list, but should be: